Chapter One: Everyone's Engaged!

How many times have I said that? It seems so true! Everyone is engaged. Or at least they will be soon! Logging onto facebook is a near nightmare for the single girl. The news feed is always announcing someone’s engagement or, worse, marriage. I find photo albums everyday of weddings I didn’t even know were supposed to take place. And how does that make me feel? Me, a single girl with no prospects and crushed dreams? Lonely. Utterly lonely. After all, I want the white dress and the giggling bridesmaids, too. But more than that, I want a strong, handsome, kind man to look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me more than anything in the world.

We all have that “Ideal Man.” For some, he’s tall, dark, and handsome, with dreamy eyes and an inclination to be poetic or melancholy. For others, he’s the dashing James Bond, blonde hair and blue eyes, who can conquer anything. Maybe some dream of the sweet, romantic, sweep-you-off-your-feet, green-eyed guy with a voice that melts every heart and sings for you alone. Whatever the case, we all dream of a man who will love us completely and make us feel safe and secure.

And how can we not dream of that? Our whole lives we have grown up seeing sixteen year old princesses meet their prince and sail into the sunset in silken pearl glory! Those of us over sixteen are beginning to feel like old maids. We have heard fairytales and seen chick flicks and looked at bridal magazines that all seem to be saying the same thing: I have to be married to be happy and I’m not married so I’m not happy—good luck trying to find a husband!

The depressing news is that we buy into this. In college, you hear of “Ring By Spring” or the “Senior Scramble”, both silly traditions that say you must be engaged by the end of your senior year. At the two small, conservative colleges I went to, it seemed like every girl was there for her MRS degree. In my first semester of college there were six freshmen girls who got engaged. Six! I had not even had a boyfriend before!

The worst thing about that school was it seemed like everyone expected you to be engaged by the time you graduated. If you weren’t, you had essentially failed. You may have a great degree, but without a fiancé, forget it! Of course, this wasn’t true, and no one sincerely said that, but it certainly seemed like it. Especially given that so many girls were wearing diamonds as they accepted their diplomas.

So what about those of us who are still praying for a husband? Those who have been in relationships that looked promising and then fell through? Those whose hearts have broken in silence while smilingly holding the bride’s bouquet? Are we supposed to “be content” as so many people tell us? Have you ever noticed that most of those people are married? Easy for them to say! “Be content just a while longer and your prince will come.” But what if it seems he isn’t coming? How long must I wait in silence while my heart aches and my friends are happy? Could God really give me such a loving heart and then not give me someone to love?

It is my belief that God has so much planned for each and every one of us. He longs to bless us in anyway He can because we are His daughters. And yes, I think that one of His greatest gifts is the love between a man and a woman. It's all in the timing. I am right there with you when it comes to struggling to trust His divine plan.

It is hard to look around me and see so many happy couples. Sometimes I don’t even care if they are happy or not--I just want to be a couple! I am envious of their happiness and the companionship that they share. I sit and mope, sad and angry that I cannot be a part of something so wonderful. I spend my time wishing that I had someone to love me, fight with me, make-up with me.

Then one day it hit me.

If I spent as much time loving and serving my God as I did wishing for someone to love, what would happen?

If I spent as much time learning who God is and studying His likes and dislikes and much as I did spying on my crush and figuring out how to attract him, what would happen?

If I consciously entered into a love relationship with God instead of dreaming of a mystery man, what would happen?

I’ll tell you what would happen! I’d be so consumed by the One who truly loves me that nothing worldly would matter! I’m not saying that my desire for a relationship would go away. No way. But maybe my mindset would change. Instead of looking for a husband I could love and serve, I’d be looking for a husband who would love and serve God with me. I would be spending time with my Creator, the One who has called me Beloved, instead of breaking my heart over men. Not that my desire for a man to love me would go away, but I’d have a new desire: that I’d find a man who loved God more than he loved me (but still loved me of course!).

I could become so attune to the heart of God that my heart ache wouldn’t be so dramatic. I could find peace and joy in God rather than wallowing in misery and self-pity. I would be on fire with a passion for God that could change my world rather than waste my life pining for someone.

Do you hear what I am saying? I could be in love with God!

Now I know we have all heard this before. “Go to God” has become such a trite and unsatisfying answer for so many problems. It seems as if the person saying it just doesn’t understand where you are coming from. They can’t possibly realize that they are just adding to your pain and heartache by saying it, because after all, if God is a loving God who will fill my emptiness, then why doesn’t He send me a husband?

Because He already has.

Go with me on this one. God created us to worship Him. He instilled love in our hearts so we could love others and Him. He knows our innermost, secret desires. He knows how we ache with loneliness. And He mourns for our pain because He has already healed us and we refuse to see it.

We as single women have refused to see that God is our ultimate lover.

Why? Because we want tangible evidence of love. We want someone who can hold us and whisper sweet things to us. We feel like saying, "God is my lover," falls short, like somehow God is not enough.

I am here to say that God IS enough. In fact, He is more than enough. No man will ever complete you or fill the emptiness in your heart. He can’t; he is just a man. But God can. He designed us so that only He can fill us and complete us. He loves us just that much.

God is our ultimate lover, healer, holder, and bridegroom.

We are the Bride of Christ. And it is time we women of God realize and embrace that.

So is everyone engaged? Yes. We are engaged in the greatest love story you will ever have: the one involving you and Jesus Christ. Embrace that truth.